What do you look for in a Dom? Do you really know what Domination is? Have you ever seriously asked yourself these questions and have you ever actually sat down and made a list of the things you require from a Dom in order to make the most of your submission? My guess is that you have not or if you have it was a cursory look at best. Many submissives simply allow themselves to be swept along, for better or worse, in the currents of a Dom’s river and do not give much thought to what it is they truly need to flourish in their submissiveness. The answers, while different for everyone, may surprise you and likely have little or nothing to do with the images and stories seen on the Net.
Here is a short list of traits I have heard stated by various submissives who have given this considerable thought. It is by no means all-encompassing, and each person requires something different. I am sure there are many others but this might provide food for thought as you set about contemplating this for yourself.
Who Does a submissive Need?
** Someone who is in control of their own life and whose self-control, self-discipline and personal success serve as an example to live by
** Someone who displays honesty and integrity in other aspects of their life
** Someone who, despite their dominant tendencies, displays kindness, caring and compassion for others who have nothing to offer them
** Someone who is emotionally, physically and intellectually stronger yet remains open, accessible and respectful
** Someone who has sufficient life experience, knowledge and wisdom to be a mentor and teacher
** Someone who exerts their will over, and for the benefit and well being of a submissive and the well being of the relationship
** Someone who demands nothing less than the best effort in all a submissive does
** Someone who uses a submissive as a tool and canvas to quench their darkest desires
** Someone who creates an atmosphere of safety and security
** Someone who communicates and maintains well defined boundaries regarding accepted behavior
** Someone who has the courage to be honest even when they know the reaction will be negative
** Someone who dedicates themselves to studying the craft of BDSM and makes the D/s relationship a priority in their life
** Someone who enjoys leadership and thrives on being the one in control
** Someone who will make their submissive feel valued, treasured and needed
** Someone who provides and promotes discipline
** Someone who readily communicates precisely what needs doing in order to be the best for them and satisfy all of their needs, sexually and otherwise
** Someone who relishes pushing sensual and sexual boundaries taking their submissive to new levels and greater heights of sensation and experience
** Someone who is inquisitive enough to want to understand the needs and boundaries of a submissive
** Someone who will respect boundaries and limits without question or concern for personal safety
** Someone whose interests, boundaries and limits are largely compatible with their submissive
** Someone who wants to be in a D/s relationship every bit as much as the submissive
I encourage you to ponder these points, come up with your own list of needs and compare them to your Dom or any prospective Dom you may be contemplating serving. Do they have what it takes to be a good Dom for you? Will your needs be met by this person? Are they the one who will be best able to draw out and make the most of your submission?
Take the time and make the effort to assess your needs and find someone who can best meet them and your D/s journey will be far more rewarding than it might otherwise be.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012
Image Credit Unknown
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